2011 Oscars Live Blog

27 Feb

Starting at 8:00 PM EST, we’ll try to get this blog back on the right track after taking nearly a two week sabbatical with another LIVE BLOG. As you can see from the title, the subject of this one will be this year’s Academy Awards. So pack your bowl and get ready for another live blog, presented by the Strong Move.

7:50 – Following the red carpet is one of the most nauseating things on television and people eat it up. It’s all about people farting and smelling it too. Tonight is all about achievements in creativity, let’s not treat it like a collective circle jerk of pompousness and vanity. Can’t wait for the ceremony to start. I don’t care who’s wearing Armani or Valentino. You have money. We don’t. We get it.

7:56 – This live blog was really a last second decision as I continue to try to snap out of my week-long birthday celebration and subsequent mental hangover. I need to get back on the ball. What better way to procrastinate on my schoolwork than to live blog the Oscars!

7:58 – Hate to predict Oscars but I think The King’s Speech is taking home a lot of prizes. Most looking forward to the Best Director award, as is the case every year I watch. Don’t know who I’m pulling for for Best Picture, but I’m hoping Christian Bale gets Supporting Actor and, obviously, PRAYING that Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross take home the Oscar for Original Score

8:03 – Just found out today that James Franco and Anne Hathaway are the hosts for tonight. Snore! Expectations are really low for this one. When are they gonna get a decent host? Is Conan O’Brien too obvious? He’d get my vote to host it. Jimmy Kimmel would be on my short list too. Both might be too edgy though. I hate the Academy.

8:12 – Nicole Kidman is fucking scary. Her face contorted and got stuck after The Stepford Wives. Or maybe it’s all the surgery. It’s a toss up.

8:15 – The interviews on the red carpet are comic gold. There’s nothing newsworthy and these interviewers are some of the most awkward cretins I’ve ever seen. Is the guy gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I’m just wondering. I can’t tell.

8:19 – Flipping back and forth for now to the Heat-Knicks game. Really wanna see how this plays out. Gotta say, Melo looks good in a Knicks jersey.

8:28 – Fine, fine here are my picks: Social Network, Colin Firth, Annette Bening, Christian Bale, Amy Adams, David Fincher for the major categories. And Trent Reznor. Here we go folks

8:36 – Hole. Lee. Shit. This opening. My god…

8:37 – The hosts are not off to a good start at all. That opening scene was terrible. Also, James Franco looks stoned as hell.

8:39 – Anne Hathaway is not funny #JustTakeYourTopOff

8:42 – It’s almost 9 and no awards have been given out. I dunno about you, but that’s what I’m watching for.

8:43 – Damnit, I forgot how terrible Titanic was. What a piece of shit movie. And I love chick flicks

8:44 – Love Tom Hanks’ glasses. That’s about the extent that I’ll talk about fashion. Alice in Wonderland wins for Art Direction by the way. Would have given it to Inception, but it’s understandable. I love these plebeians getting recognition by the way. Really appreciate art. Inception snags Oscar for Cinematography though.

8:50 – While we’re at our first of many commercial breaks, let me interrupt by saying I’m gonna make a concerted effort to post as much as possible. I know I always say this. But I’m saying it again. Will probably put up my recap of my week-long birthday celebration at some point this week as well as other goodies throughout.

8:52 – “Thank you, thank you. I’m old.”

8:56 – Only time I’ve legitimately laughed all night. Kirk Douglas, touche sir. Didn’t understand a word, but funny nonetheless. Melissa Leo wins for Supporting Actress, big upset. And she let out a few profanities. Overall, mediocre acceptance speech though. Bring back Kurt!

9:01 – Only one host next year please. They’re running into each other’s jokes. Mila Kunis is so fucking hot, but that is an aside.

9:04 – By the way, for someone who just started doing the whole Twitter thing, Norm MacDonald is doing the damn thing tonight for the Oscars. Has me in stitches. If you don’t follow him, follow him now.

9:05 – Drinking game: Take a shot anytime the orchestra starts playing the “Get The Fuck Off The Stage” music.

9:06 – Hmmmm wonder what’s gonna win this category? #ToyStory3

9:10 – Speaking of Toy Story, in case you haven’t seen it

9:12 – By the time this is over, I will be sober enough and have awoken from my food induced coma so that I can do some homework.

9:13 – Always look forward to the awards for Screenplay as well, first up is Adapted taken by Aaron Sorkin for The Social Network. Deserved.

9:16 – Original Screenplay goes to The King’s Speech. Haven’t seen it yet (blasphemy I know) but I’ve heard great things so can’t be too upset. Would’ve given to it Nolan though

9:25 – Jesus shit. Anne Hathaway is beautiful enough to help people forget that she isn’t funny or talented. She’s obliterating that notion tonight. #CantMasturbateToHerEverAgain

9:27 – Biutiful loses? It’s Super Bowl III all over again. Let’s just say, kudos to me to not falling into the typical sports junkie stereotype. I’m a Renaissance Man people

9:32 – Christian Bale gets his first Oscar nomination and his first Oscar for his performance in The Fighter. Big time ups, did a fantastic job as always. Long time coming for him, brilliant performer. And I don’t care what anyone says, I respect his meltdown

9:35 – Oh shit, best Original Score is coming up. I’m so nervous #TrentReznor

9:37 – Like Bale, I too hate being surrounded by amateurs. It’s hard to fly like an eagle when you’re surrounded by turkeys.

9:40 – Can someone just please throw some tomatoes at Anne Hathaway? Old school style.

9:41 – Thank you Academy for always giving us a basic run-through of movie history. How stupid do you think we are? Don’t answer that

9:43 – TREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT

9:48 – In honor of his Oscar win, here’s a video from the last time I saw him. One of my idols and inspirations, so happy for him

9:51 – Some awards given out after Trent won. For sound or something.

9:54 – Just relieved my bladder of the copious amount of wine I drank. You probably didn’t need to know this.

9:56 – I remember when I was a kid and it was a struggle to stay up til the end of the Oscars. Now? That’s when my night starts most of the time.

9:57 – The Wolfman winning for Makeup is not as big of a surprise as the fact that these guys that are accepting the award have wives.

9:59 – DAMNIT NORM MACDONALD STOLE MY JOKE. CHECK THE TIME STAMP PEOPLE. In his defense, these people write the jokes out for us. What a bunch of fairies.

10:00 – Don’t write out a speech. Just don’t

10:03 – Toy Story 3 was so fucking good. What an emotional movie for people my age especially. I’m proud to say it

10:06 – Completely forgot that Mandy Moore existed/how beautiful she is. But like Celine Dion once said, it’s all coming back to me now

10:10 – Knicks only down by 5 for those of you that care

10:14 – I’m ready for the big-time awards now

10:17 – It’s the fucking Oscars, you couldn’t at least cut your hair? James Franco still looks stoned by the way.

10:18 – These jokes are falling flat.

10:19 – Oprah?!

10:21 – I’m disappointed I haven’t gotten around to any of the nominated docs this year. Can’t talk intelligently about any of them. Inside Job will be tops on my Netflix list I guess then

10:27  – Is Billy Crystal coming to save this train wreck? Just make the move

10:32 – Inception kinda has to win this award no?

10:33 – Hehe, I still got it *blows smoke from gun*

10:35 – In other news, Knicks are up by one with under fifteen seconds to go. Wow

10:36 – Social Network for film editing. Sticking by my prediction, I think Firth takes Best Actor, but Fincher is taking Best Director and it’s winning for Best Film.

10:39 – Amare blocks Lebron to clinch the game. Game over. Back to Oscars

10:44 – An uninspiring slate of songs for Best Song. #JustGiveItToRandy

10:46 – Randy Newman: sometimes you just gotta say, “Fuck it!”

10:49 – Dead Person Montage coming up. Legitimately one of my favorite Oscars moments year in and year out. Quick: try and remember everyone who died and see how many you can get before the commercial is up (Dennis Hopper, one, Leslie Nielsen, two…)

10:52 – I guess this is what I get for mentioning Celine Dion earlier…

10:56 – A really subpar year in dead people. I only got four, but after seeing that, I guess that’s understandable.

11:01 – I hate repeating this, but Anna Hathaway has been ruined for me tonight. She’s done in my book. What a quick fall from grace.

11:02 – Best Director coming up…

11:03 – Eh, not sure about that. Would’ve loved for Aronofsky to get it, but I thought this had to be Fincher’s award. Like I said though, still haven’t seen The King’s Speech, but I thought this was Fincher’s best shot at the award.

11:08 – Sandra Bullock won last year for The Blind Side, that’s riiiiiiight. Wow, what a joke. Last year was also the first time I haven’t seen the Oscars in over seventeen years.

11:12 – Preparing to be really let down after Fincher getting robbed for Best Director. Cue everyone hating the Academy in three, two, one…

11:13 – Wow, took a look at last year’s Oscar nominations again. This year is infinitely better, not even close. The Blind Side was nominated as Best Picture?!?!

11:15 – Really want Portman to win it, but I think this belongs to Bening. Prove me wrong Academy…

11:16 – Fantastic way to get first Oscar for Portman. What a performance. What a movie. She did a great job. Gut-wrenching performance.

11:19 – Hearing the music from Black Swan while Portman was accepting the award was eerily fitting.

11:20 – Sandra Bullock was much better in The Proposal and Miss Congeniality. All that said, I’d be very surprised if Firth didn’t win. this award.

11:22 – I love the Coen Brothers but I just didn’t like True Grit. I don’t get it. Whatever.

11:25 – But of course. Gotta see The King’s Speech. Now let’s see Firth’s Speech…

11:28 – Shouldn’t the orchestra be getting warmed up now? You figure he did a movie on speaking his speech would’ve been a bit better

11:29 – We Americans gotta take the power back in these Oscars. These Brits ruin everything…

11:31 – From Norm: “hed better not tend to his impulses near those kids from ps22”

11:32 – Switching my prediction and saying The King’s Speech takes Best Picture.

11:33 – This is a really solid group of movies. Especially when compared to the shitshow from last year

11:36 – There you go folks. The King’s Speech. At least Trent won. Gonna illegally download it as soon as possible and check it out. That and The Wolfman. Enjoy the rest of your night and the week, as I get set to work on the homework I’ve been pushing aside. Stay with us as we continue to try and provide you with semi-regular updates on the blog.

11:41 – Coming back one final time to say: I fucking hate Anne Hathaway. So very much

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One Response to “2011 Oscars Live Blog”

  1. Chucky February 27, 2011 at 11:43 pm #

    P.S. 122 has the downs.

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