Common Sense Proves LeBron Is a Dope

16 Jun

The Vancouver riots are unfortunate, but hey that’s what you get when you mix a lot of booze and angry fans sometimes. Maybe next time, Roberto Luongo will think twice before shitting the bed.

But you know who else riots? Soccer fans. But when they’re celebrating we all look over there and say “Boy, I wish the U.S. cared about sports like they do.” Fact is, if you like sports, you gotta be passionate. In fact, if you like anything you gotta be passionate. Miami fans not caring after they lost is, get this: PART OF THE REASON WHY OTHER PEOPLE HATE MIAMI FANS.

When my Raiders got trounced in the Super Bowl nearly ten years back, I didn’t go to school for two days. I couldn’t sleep. As a kid, I would cry every time the Raiders lost to my dad’s favorite team, the Steelers. Are these indications of deep psychological issues? Yeah, probably. BUT THAT”S BEING A SPORTS FAN. Anyone who was there at Buffalo Wild Wings this year when the Raiders beat the Chargers and the Chiefs in those two close games can attest to the fact that no one could be happier than I was in that moment. When Janikowski put that field goal through the uprights, the entire bar went nuts. Everyone hugging and high-fiving each other. It was like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. If anyone came up to me then and said, “You know this doesn’t really matter right?” I would’ve socked him in the head and needed all my friends to help pull me off of him. You probably think/wish I was exaggerating, but like I said, my friends can attest to this. I would kill him.

Of course I know it doesn’t matter. But I like pretending. After all, what really matters in this world when it comes down to it? And call me crazy but I like to “pretend” and root for people that “pretend” like it matters too, not some ego-inflated superstar who’d rather play with the best than beat the best (if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em?) and chokes under pressure. Maybe you’re not “pretending” enough, LeBron. But you’ll never know what it’s going to feel like winning a championship in front of fans with those same personal problems you chastised before. You know, like Cleveland. Enjoy those fair-weathered fans in Miami cocksucker. Hey maybe next year, they’ll give you one of these.

I’m sorry, but give me the Vancouver riots any day over this sham.



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