Mein Kampf: A Server’s Manifesto Presents…Musical Chairs

14 Jul

Ahhh, here we are.  My maiden voyage, and our second installment in this groundbreaking series.  First I would like to thank Armando for calling in my services for this one, muchas gracias mi amigo.

First let me say that I have served in 4 different restaurants over the past 5 years, so it’s fair to say that I have developed a sizable list of pet peeves that are committed pretty much every shift that I have ever worked in this business.  Right at the top of that list you’ll find today’s topic:  Asking to get a different table.

Your average restaurant goer is probably unaware that there is a system behind just about everything that happens when you go out to eat, right down to where you get sat.  Your server has a section, that section is in a rotation, and that rotation ensures that each server gets their fair share of tables.  If you throw off that balance, be prepared to make a few new enemies that day.

Imagine if you will, you walk into a restaurant and ask for a table for two, and the host promptly takes you over to a table…for two.  Your potential server is standing 30 feet away, watching you, waiting for you to sit down.  Right before you sit, you utter those five words I knew you were gonna say:  Can we have that booth?

Now you’ve done it.  You just HAD to go and play that game, didn’t you?  That table for two wasn’t good enough, so you just had to ask for the booth big enough for six to eight people?  In one fell swoop you have successfully pissed off at least three people.  You’ve pissed off the first server for losing a table, the second server for taking up their large table with your pathetic party of two and possibly double-seating them, and the host for having to readjust their rotation.  With any luck you’ll sit in that booth for three hours too, won’t you? (more on this one in a future post) Serving is all about the money, and by asking to move your party of two into my booth, you effectively just cost me anywhere between $20 and $40 depending on the type of group I would have gotten.

The question that I’ve always wanted to ask a guest that does this is, does the food taste any different while sitting in a booth as opposed to a table? I mean, that is why people go out to eat these days, right?  To enjoy a delicious meal and drinks with people they enjoy being around, and the last time I checked, the food tastes the same regardless of where you sit.  If you want to be as comfortable as possible, just get yourself a TV dinner and sit your fat ass on the couch in your living room with a six-pack of PBR.  There have been times where I have actually contemplated not greeting a table that has bitched their way into my booth, but then I realized that I would be better served by getting you out of my section as quickly as humanly possible.  So next time you pull this kind of crap and you find yourself at one of my tables, expect all of your food to come out at once, and for me not to give a fuck.


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